Let’s just get right to the phrase that has circulated in my mind for a couple years now. “Modesty is freedom from vanity”. Perhaps because I am a woman, and a Christian woman at that, this idea of modesty has circulated in my mind frequently. This world is filled with all different levels of defined “modesty”. I don’t know if modesty is an idea that exists in pop culture but growing up in Christian culture, as a woman I have regularly been reminded of how important it is that I display “modesty”. I don’t necessarily disagree with this, but I think that maybe modesty hasn’t been given a fair chance to be defined by something other than the traditional strict rules and regulations imposed upon us. I will already make it clear I have a bent in this post to present modesty from a different angle than would traditionally be understood so I hope you feel encouraged to keep reading even if you’re feeling nervous about my perspective hah.
Here’s an excerpt from one website I found on modesty that generally summarizes what I perceived modesty to be:
“Modesty is an attitude of humility and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior. If you are modest, you do not draw undue attention to yourself. Instead, you seek to “glorify God in your body, and in your spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:20; see also verse 19). If you are unsure about whether your dress or grooming is modest, ask yourself, “Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord’s presence?” You might ask yourself a similar question about your language and behavior: “Would I say these words or participate in these activities if the Lord were present?” Your honest answers to these questions may lead you to make important changes in your life. The following information will help you in your efforts to be modest…”
I can’t say that I completely disagree with where this thought begins, but what happens when we have a wrong perception of God. What if we think God looks like the strict older woman or gentleman at church who scowled at us anytime our ankles were showing? What if we think that God only loves the poor and outwardly vulnerable, and despises those who are strong and successful? What if we believe that God is perpetually angry at us for messing up and primarily focused on nitpicking the areas that seem stuck? What if we have come to believe that humility means feeling badly about ourselves? Isn’t what we believe about God going to shape what we believe He would approve of?
There are two bible characters that come to mind as I reflect on this topic. David and Saul. David is known as a man after God’s own heart. This is most striking to me in light of the many mess ups that David had. David also replaced Saul as king of Israel and remains in history as a stark contrast compared to the man Saul was. Not only is David known as a man after God’s own heart, but He is also the one through whom the lineage of the Messiah would come. What makes David so special and is there something about how he related to God in comparison to how Saul related to God that can help us to understand this topic of modesty a little bit more clearly?
I’ve referenced Saul a bit in a previous post. Saul is described in 1 Samuel 9 as being a handsome young man, there being no man in Israel more handsome than he. It says that from his shoulders upward he was taller than any of the people. Ever wonder why scripture describes him as being taller than any of the people from the shoulders upward? I have a theory that although his physical stature was large, his inward belief system and the culture of his heart was very small. Already in 1 Samuel 13 we see Saul having a difficult time obeying the commandment of the Lord and taking matters into his own hands. It’s at this point in the story that the prophet Samuel declares that Saul’s kingdom will not continue forever and that the Lord has sought a man after his own heart to be prince over his people. “After his own heart”. What does this mean? Is God saying that he’s looking for a rule follower? Is God saying that the essence of his heart is law-making and law-following? For me the story in 1 Samuel 15 is where I started to have a revelation of the nature of God’s heart. Saul comes up against the enemy army of the Amalekites, a people who opposed the Israelites upon their exodus from Egypt. Samuel the prophet has given Saul strict instructions from the Lord to strike down the Amalekites, sparing absolutely nothing of that nation. Saul doesn’t follow through. He takes Agag (the king) alive, devotes the rest of the people to destruction, and then spares what he believes is the best of the oxen, sheep, fattened calves, lambs and all that he deemed good. The word of the Lord comes to Samuel and expresses deep repentance (change of mind) for making Saul king because Saul has turned back from following God’s voice and has not performed his commandment. Again, at this point without reading any further it’s easy to assume that God is looking for blind rule-followers.
I believe that our greatest temptation is not to do wrong, but to believe wrong.
As Samuel engages in a not-so-small rebuke of Saul, he says something very enlightening. “Though you are little in your own eyes, are you not the head of the tribes of Israel? The Lord anointed you king over Israel.” It seemed to be that Saul’s root issue had to do with the smallness of his belief in the worth, value and purpose of his God-given identity. Saul responds with sadness a few verses later, “I have sinned, for I transgressed the commandment of the LORD and yours words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice.” Saul continually renewed his mind with the untruth about his identity as someone small and insignificant and the fear of being found without caused him to rebel against the commandment of God, breaking connection and relationship with God as a result, all in the hopes of trying to make himself seem bigger in the eyes of others.
David on the other hand, though his story is imperfect and flawed, was a man who was convinced of God’s love for him and God’s ability to make right any of this wrongs. Though he experienced sorrow as a result of his sins and had to face the consequences of his independence from God, his songs throughout the Old Testament speak of a certainty in his own personal value, worth and purpose, as set out and initiated by God. For me, he displays a mind that way before our new covenant in Christ already showed signs of being righteousness-conscious. In other words, rather than relentlessly beating himself up over his mistakes and taking matters into his hands to punish himself continually or run from his calling, he drew near to the Lord and relied on the Lord’s love, mercy and grace to cover him and make beauty out of his ashes.
Saul, though he saw himself as small in his own eyes, was in fact a man who was plagued by vanity and it ended up being his downfall. His vanity was hidden by the smallness with which he regarded himself, and though we could be tempted to believe that if we think small of ourselves we are thinking humbly and modestly, in fact we are thinking contrary to the mind of the Spirit. God had called him King and made him ruler and he didn’t need to perform for that role or the authority, but his own seeming insignificance led him to look for ways independent of God to boost his significance in the eyes of others.
Of course this is the beginning not the end of a conversation on modesty, but I would love to challenge us (I very much include myself in this challenge) to ask the Holy Spirit to lead us in a reflection of our lives and ask him to show us where we might be living in a way that appears ‘modest’ but is (if we are courageous enough to be honest) characterized by vanity because the root of our decision-making has been fueled by a focus on our shortcomings, flaws and failures. Maybe you’re like me in that a criticism from someone or a mess-up in an area has tempted you to believe that God has retracted his original intention for your life and you are living smaller than what you were made for. Perhaps this could be the year where we ask the Holy Spirit what it would look like if we partnered with him to begin living in a different way in that area of our lives. Let’s get our journals out and be ready to write down words, impressions, images and scriptures that come to mind as we pray through and discern this with the Holy Spirit and maybe even someone with the grace to divinely champion us on.
The most modest thing we could ever do is embrace who God says we are, and learn to live in the reality of our heavenly identity!