I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit’s commitment to shaping me and drawing me closer to the person of Jesus Christ. The more he reveals who Christ is the more I am left in awe of the limitless capability of Christ who is now in me. I notice that what follows is freedom that comes first in my beliefs and thought life, and then in my emotions and behaviours.
Recently I have been struck by the words found in Philippians 3:14 which remind me that ours is an upward call of God in Christ Jesus. This means that God has so designed it that I/we should reach higher and higher levels in Christ. But what does higher mean? I think it means a few things and I am not claiming to know the fullness of what this upward call means nor do I intend to try and cover the fullness of this upward call in my writing today, but I do want to share a little bit about what this means for me in this season of my life.
There are words, impressions and quiet dreams in my heart that I have been trying to faithfully steward in prayer and discipline over the last number of years. Dreams for myself, for others and for our city. I perceive that I am entering a forward moving season where momentum is beginning to pick up in my life. This momentum is bringing courage to step out in things I had not previously had confidence to do, connections with people that I previously had longed for and increasing opportunities for influence. This is both exciting and terrifying. Momentum which truthfully I had wanted a number of years ago. As I perceive certain things beginning to be set in motion there is a fear that rises up inside of me. In all honesty it makes me want to run away. Included in this is a negative emotional battle arising in me. It is uncomfortable and can even make me want to shrink back and hide. What is happening? Am I moving backwards rather than forwards in my life? Am I sinking rather than rising like I was created to?
Thank God for the Holy Spirit’s teaching, leading and comforting presence. He is showing me as I step into higher levels of blessing and influence that there’s a pressure that is being applied to my negative strongholds of unworthiness and fear. I have been quietly wrestling with these very negative emotions for some time and the Holy Spirit recently shone light into my heart to bring freedom to my beliefs. He led me to something called the Imposter Syndrome. “People who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are, in fact, generally held. They feel that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think—and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them.” (Psychology Today)
These feelings of unworthiness and the voice of the accuser of the brethren tells me that I’ll never cut it and that I’ll be exposed as a fraud. The negative emotions that I am experiencing are just the symptom of a limited belief system that constantly undermines and questions my worth. Someone once said that you can only receive what you believe you are worth. Whether it’s finances, favour, or influence, once we get blessed beyond what we believe we are worth, we tend to self-sabotage our lives back down to the level at which we believe we deserve to be. It is in this place that the temptation comes in for me to just move backwards and avoid the tension that arises from my wrong beliefs rather than confronting the lies in my beliefs and dealing with them head on so that I can continue in the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. The temptation is to reduce my life down to a place where I don’t feel that emotional pressure. Emotional battles are normal on one level, but I’m learning that confronting limiting strongholds in my beliefs is really the only way to enter the abundant life Jesus promises. It’s the only way to continue functioning at that higher level. You and I are worthy of the blessing and influence that God chooses to bless us with!
Inevitably as we think about this topic, we should rightly ask if we are striving for something that we aren’t yet ready for or are actually operating in entitlement? I will try to address this as well as strategies for confronting strongholds a bit more in another post. For now, will you join me in the journey of allowing the Holy Spirit to come in and bring freedom to areas of our beliefs that are keeping us from walking confidently and courageously as the world changers we were made to be?