Come to Jesus

There is an interesting dynamic that exists between the pain of our circumstances and Satan’s attempt to keep us in unbelief and objection to the revelation of who Christ is in our lives. There are number of words that were spoken over me and about me through classmates, adults or through the inaudible but loud voice of demonic spirits to my mind that have caused me to run and hide myself behind walls of my own making; walls meant to keep me from feeling more pain in certain areas. Walls that formed because of hurt that wasn’t brought to the Lord for true healing.

Without realizing I began to adopt a statement for life that went something like this: The highest aim is to please people as much possible so as to avoid as much criticism as possible. Obviously this sounds ridiculous saying it out loud and I don’t know if I would necessarily classify myself as a people-pleaser, but I think we can all at varying times and to different degrees find ourselves “people-pleasing”. I didn’t consciously have someone read me this statement where I signed at the bottom and knowingly agreed to its influence in my life, but as Jesus said in John 10:1 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door but climbs in by another way, that man is a thief and a robber”. The thief of the abundant life that Christ came to bring climbs in a back way – he doesn’t enter the door and announce himself the way the Good Shepherd does. Satan’s influence in our lives is more often than not subtle and hidden so as to avoid exposure and also, he comes disguised as an angel of light so his influence often parades as reason, intellect, rational thinking, wisdom, etc. Without realizing my heart truly began to believe that the praise of people (or at least the avoidance of their criticism) would give me the abundant life I was made for better than God’s Word. In painful circumstances it is easy to either completely conform to criticism so as to try to avoid further criticism or to totally reject it and adopt a “prove you wrong” type posture to life, but either way if the criticism is the main source of defining our life, our life sadly does reveal that what people say is the most important. I have many such instances in my life, but let me just highlight a couple. It is amazing how when our guard is down and we are ignorant to the battle at hand how easily simple petty comments can have such a long-lasting effect on our lives.

I remember either grade 5 or 6 having a sleepover birthday party and some of the girls I had invited complained about the food being served and that my party was boring. I remember telling my mom I was done having birthday parties. After that I never threw a birthday party with friends again. It didn’t stop at birthday parties. The narrative I believed and so gave authority to was that who I was and what I had to offer wasn’t good enough, especially when it came to inviting people into my house and allowing them to see what I had to offer. For years I carried anxiety over the thought of anyone coming over and discovering the truth (so I thought) that I was deficient. For many years I have spent my time running away from anything that could expose me to the risk of being criticized again. Eventually anxiety gave way to normalcy and reason justified that because I was an introverted person I didn’t need people that much or that I simply wasn’t interested in the beneficial opportunities that were coming my way. Another such experience has to do with my weight.  Proverbs 18:21 says “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat of its fruit”. The power that a word (good and bad, life and death) has over our lives is determined by the authority we assign to it. I started to run away from any situation that I perceived would highlight this area of my body and therefore allow even more people to discover my “defect”.

The last one I’ll mention was in high school. I had discovered that I really enjoyed putting on make up. It was fun! I did however have someone close to me tell me that I was ugly with my makeup on and that I was ‘trying too hard’. I really wrestled with this and looked for ways to reconcile this person’s comment with my natural enjoyment of it. In my last year of high school, I had a female coach asked me why I wore so much makeup with a clear tone of disdain and disgust in her voice. Remember the statement I mentioned above about aiming to please people and avoid their criticism? Well I didn’t realize it at the time, but this way of approaching life had a primary influence in my life. I started wearing less and less makeup and eventually believed that it was righteousness for me to wear as little as possible. This may all seem so absurd, because it is, but it is also the reality of what happens in life when we give primary importance to any voice and word other than God’s in our lives. As I reflect not only on these but the many times I have allowed a word other than my loving Father’s to be the foundation or starting point for how I build my life, I end up building a life that can’t sustain the winds and storms of life that eventually come upon us all.

I think something that has surprised me in my own journey is how long I can live believing a lie but thinking it’s TRUTH. I believe that our heavenly Father wants us to turn to him and receive his love and life and he will never stop working to this end, but he also seems to preserve our free will so that our hunger and thirst for him is authentic. When it comes to the lies we believe, eventually they will bear fruit. I thank God for this. This means that the fruit (or evidence) of what we think and what we believe will always make itself known, even if it takes a while. In Matthew 11:28-30 we have Jesus tell us what we can expect to experience when we stay close to Him who is TRUTH and come under his covering and walk with him in the abundant life that was purposed for us. I have recently come to love the translation of these couple verses from The Message: “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

In all of the areas I mentioned above the fruit of believing lies eventually started to manifest in my life. I began to realize a heaviness in my life. I started to feel disconnected with my soul and my body in the sense that I had built a life that seemed reasonable and rational even “godly”, but it wasn’t bringing true lasting joy. I felt I was living a version of a life that was not meant for me – ill-fitting like climbing into an outfit that wasn’t meant for my body in anyway, constantly worn out in my emotions and thinking, always striving and performing but never arriving. Not feeling free and light. Someone once said that we will recognize the answer when we have the question. Well God has allowed the heaviness and pain of the lies to become evident to me and his grace has made a way for me to cry out and ask for a better way to live. It hasn’t been an overnight experience for me but over the last number years, the Holy Spirit has been opening my eyes to recognize a lie, break partnership with it and replace it with the Truth of who I am because of who He is. He has been counselling me and bringing the healing power of Jesus into my life so that I can start walking in the Joy, freedom and lightness that I was purposed for in a life of surrender and intimacy with Jesus Christ who is My Life. Are you feeling tired? Worn out by trying to perform for the abundant life you were created for? Come to Jesus. Invite the Holy Spirit to set you free from the heavy burden of lies. He will surely do it! If you need prayer or want to share your story, please feel free to reach out!